Family & Childhood: As a child, you may have been repeatedly, consistently refused or disapproved of when you acted “weird” or “inappropriately”. You may have reached out for something and been disappointed, as a kid, maybe in a traumatic way.
Alternatively your family may have been loving to you, but prioritized appearances over true joy or believed non-conforming, creative out-of-the-box careers or even financial abundance were not for “people like us”. You might even have overheard your parents talking negatively about bosses, work, wealthy people or nonconformists your whole childhood, as though that was the absolute worst thing someone could ever be.
You love and honor your family or community, and you know that their struggle was real. You would never want to outshine or leave them behind. So you keep yourself and your life way smaller than your talents and abilities really warrant. And you just keep yourself from even fully wanting what you want, telling yourself you should just be grateful you have the life you do.
Love & Relationships: You’re often thought of as a naysayer. You struggle in your relationships because you’re constantly comparing yourself to everyone else. You often wonder whether you’re “normal,” or whether, for example, your child is “normal.” You see people doing things differently and can assume that that means they're doing it correctly, and you’re not.
When you think about dating and finding love, your immediate next thought is about how old, boring, and unenlightened all the prospects on the dating market are. Or you might not put yourself out there for fear of rejection, or you’ve told yourself there isn’t anyone out there for you. You may settle for a partner that doesn’t light you on fire, because your inner ‘realist’ which is actually a bit of a pessimist, has convinced you that you don’t need romance or a fiery relationship. “This will do just fine, I guess.”
Work & Money: Sometimes you see other people pursuing goals similar to yours and wonder, "Who does she think she is?" Your career (and life) goals would benefit from you being more active on social media, but you don’t want to be an annoying self-promoter like so many of your colleagues. At the end of the day, you’d rather play it safe and stay on the B+ level in your industry than move up to the A-list. You’re perfectly capable, but will often be unremarkable in work situations, because you don’t desire to stand out and be front and center. You don’t want a lot of attention or responsibility.
Creativity, Passion & Purpose: You’d rather play it safe and not hope for too much. After all, very few people ever “make it.” You have dreams, but deep down you believe no one will want to read what you’re writing or buy what you’re selling. You believe people get in trouble when they stop being realistic and take unnecessary risks. Even when you do achieve your goals or dreams, you often think about what you did wrong along the way — or could have done better to get an even better result.